The Sing Off "Live"blogging!!!

OK, I finally have some time to get to the fake liveblogging. Thanks for your patience!!!

As always, the "live"blogging will be after the jump.

So it looks like tonight, the final four will sing and the judges will eliminate one of the groups before 'merica! votes. I don't know how I feel about this, but I guess it makes logistical sense for them to be able to tape all of these episodes in advance and only have to do one live show.

Nick voiceovers that the recording contract and cash are just heartbeats away. They have to do some "heart-stoppping master-mix" of hit songs. Mashup night? Whoever writes Nick's script is way too dramatic. Why is everything breathtaking and heart-stopping? And how, in season three, is this unlike any other competition we've ever seen? By my calculations, we've already seen it twice before. I'm no mathematician, but I think I'm right.

Anyhoo, get ready to have your breath taken away by the opening group song. They're starting off with Bittersweet Symphony mixed with too much crap for me to keep up with. I really hate that homey from PenTatonix for the opening line.  I hate how he sings. I think there's some The Who in there (Teenage Wasteland). I also heard some Gwen Stefani in there...Party in the USA? No, Last Friday Night. There are too many songs mashed into this. It was a good performance, but it was too busy...too bad the judges don't get to critique the opening numbers. Just because Afro Blue was involved, I bet they'd have a lot to say about the arrangement being too complex.

Cue unnecessary opening credits.

Nick struts his ass to the front of the stage and struggles to stand still while reading his lines. He wiggles his hips when he talks. It's not unlike some of the nervous ticks I saw when I taught speech. Can someone tell Nick he can stop being so stiff? We're three seasons in now.

The pressure is on, Nick tells us. I already saw the end of the show, but I'll keep that out of my comments.

Quick break!

It looks like NBC fixed the ads. The last time I did this, I was seeing ads for canceled shows.


And we're back!!!

PenTatonix is up first. I don't think it matters what they end up singing because the judges will eat it up. They're mashing up Since U Been Gone and Forget You. The girl in the group says they're having trouble going from song to song. Blonde idiot says, "I wonder if people will think we're ruining it by changing it so much." I think that pretty much every week, but that hasn't stopped them.

These songs mix together pretty well. Were they told to pretend they didn't know what they were doing? False modesty...check. God help me, I actually liked that. I still hate the lead guy, though.

Judges?

Ben makes a joke about Kelly-Lo-Green and Cee-Lo-Clarkson. He gives a shout out to the awesome rhythm and bass section, which I have never disagreed with. He heard them out of tune at some point, but they saved it.

Sara says it was a great performance. What she loved is that they were telling a story with their "motions." She says she was smiling and grooving like a loser. Like a loser in a bad lounge singer dress.

Shawn enjoyed it even though they didn't go crazy with the beatboxing breakdowns. He thought it was very fluid and liked the mix. Avi and Kevin have been renamed "Meat and Potatoes" because they hold everything together for PenTatonix.

Judges' choice round is also in play tonight, so that should be fun. Except I have to hear PenTatonix twice.

Quick break!

And we're back!!!

Thanks for explaining mashups to us, Nick. I think we all know what they are now.

Urban Method is up next, and they're doing Hot in Herrrrre with Fever. Which sounds like it's not gonna work. They interview that the "master-mix" has been difficult. Did someone copyright the word "mashup?" Because no one will say it even though that's what it is.

I really like Hot in Herrrrrre; it's the only Nelly song I like because it's funny. These songs actually mash up pretty well together. The girls are basically singing Fever while the guys handle the Nelly part. They're making good use of the girls shaking their asses around and being grinded on (ground on?) by the boys.

Judges?

Sara thought it was sexy. What the fuck is that bowtie ring she's wearing? Who dresses her? Again, are they not allowed to say "mashup?" She said she's hot in hurrrrrrrrrrrr.

Shawn thought Liz's lead on Fever was perfect for the song. He thought it was both eye and ear candy and says it was their best arrangement of the competition.

Ben says it was really good and the arrangement didn't wear us out. Nice work, he says.

Quick break! There's something about the way Nick takes the mic away from his mouth that bothers me. It's very strange and way too enthusiastic while he's giving us his dollar store smile.

And we're back already!!!

Afro Blue is up next. Nick claims their arrangements have impressed the judges. Yes, they've impressed them so much that the judges complain about them being too complex every week. And they're always in the bottom two.

Anyhoo, they're doing I Believe I Can Fly (another non-Trapped in the Closet R Kelly song) and Fly by Nikki Minaj. One of the girls will have to rap; unfortunately for us, it won't be the white girl (who has a name, but for blog search purposes, we'll just call her the white girl).

So Nikki Minaj has a slow song? I don't know much about her other than the fact that she looks like a cartoon. They transitioned nicely into I Believe I Can Fly, which my friend and I used to sing all the time on a roller coaster at Great America, much to the annoyance of the other riders. I don't know how different these two songs are...oh wait, here comes the rap. I hope they get bonus points for that. I liked it, but it would help if I was familiar with the Nikki Minaj song.

Judges?

Shawn thought it was a nice blend of their style and gospel. He also liked the rap. He gets serious and says he hopes they realize how much they've grown throughout the season.

Ben liked the blend and gives them props for their complex arrangement for once. He also gives props to Mariah for the rap and enjoyed that she sang out of the rap. He thought it was a moving "master-mix."

Sara loves them because they show so much heart, humility, and courage. She loved the theme of empowerment. Again, no actually useful comments, and then she thanks them for being there. Ugh. Sara, you should be better than the Pussycat Doll, but you totally aren't.

Quick break!

And we're back already!!!

The Dartmouth Aires are up next. They're mashing up (I mean, master-mixing) Sympathy for the Devil and Born This Way. They were gonna give a different guy the solo, but he sucked based on what I heard, so they just gave it back to Michael since he's "the safe choice." That's what Hollywood said, anyway.

Seriously, their refusal to say "mashup" is getting annoying.

Of course Hollywood gets to say that he was born this way before the guy with the curly hair starts Sympathy for the Devil. He's wearing a red leather coat. Get it? They've divided into two camps...those with the devil and those with Gaga. It's almost like West Side Story, we just need some finger snapping. Haha, now it's all Beat It style "gang" fighting. This is a good mashup. Jazz hands!!!

Judges?

Ben says that was a lot to take in. He liked the concept of "the devil vs...the devil? Whatever it was, you both gave it hell." Brendan is practically crying after Ben says he liked his interpretation of the Jagger part. Then he calls out the kid who got kicked off the solo and says he gets credit for stepping down.

Sara is with Ben, "that was a lot to take in." Then she says they chose the perfect leads and tells them the same thing she tells them every week: fun, love, friendship, blah blah blah.

Shawn says it wasn't his favorite performance of theirs, but only because he's been spoiled by so many good performances by them.

Quick break! Judges' choice, which means I don't have to hear them say "master-mix" anymore.

And we're back already!!!

PenTatonix is up first, and the judges are gushing over them in a segment where all they are supposed to be doing is telling us what song they want them to sing. You know, this show could be an hour long if they would cut out the stupid vignettes.

Finally, it's over and Sara tells us how innovative they are and that they have a style of their own and keeps stretching it out. They get Dog Days Are Over by Florence and the Machine. Jeez, they seriously wasted like five minutes.

I don't like the beginning of this. Why does Scott always get the lead? What can't Kirsty/Kristy get the lead? Why do they have to change everything? What? This little guy gets to sing a solo for once? He has the voice of an angel! Why is this the first we're hearing of him? That just made me hate Scott even more. What a spotlight hog. The band all hugged the little guy.

Judges?

Shawn says they are riDICulous. Mitch, the little guy, gets a shout out. He said he has one of the prettiest voices he's ever heard. Seriously, why hasn't he been getting solos all along?

Sara says they're "riveting." She calls it fantastic. She learned that three of them are 19. Scott, Kirsty, and Mitch are babies, apparently. I still hate Scott even if he is apparently a child.

Ben liked that Mitch popped in and that they all stepped out of the way to give him his spotlight. He thoroughly enjoyed it.

Quick break! Urban Method will be up next. Avi is a sobbing mess in the one interview into break they've shown all night.

And we're back!!! There was no break.

I'm going to ignore the time-wasting vignette here. It's all about how different they are since they have a rapper. Just tell us what song they're doing. Sara dresses poorly even in her interviews. Is that her or is there someone else responsible for that shit? Any Sara Bareilles fans who care to chime in on what she usually dresses like? Sure, I could google it, but I'm lazy.

Anyhoo, Shawn is stretching it out and telling us they're doing All of the Lights by Kanye West. I don't know if I know this one. OK, I think I've heard this before. Well, I like this better than the original, but I think Kanye's a whiny baby, so that doesn't say much. It's a good arrangement, though.

Judges?

Shawn thought it was exciting. He thinks they're at their best when they blend hip hop with melodies. He says Katie has become a star when everyone thought it was all about Mike. He says they're showing they're in it to win it.

Ben liked the build-up of the arrangement. Katie and Mike get shout outs and he says it might have been his favorite performance.

Sara says they show so much confidence on stage and that they've blossomed into a whole different entity. It was awesome and she loved it.

Quick break! Unless there's another interview, in which case, I'm already back.

Yep. Back already.

Now it's time for Afro Blue's vignette. Unless we're going to find out how Eliza (the white girl) ended up in the group, this is a waste of time.

It's Ben's turn to waste our time instead of just telling us what they're going to sing. They got A Change is Gonna Come by Sam Cooke.

Obviously, the judges are picking songs right in the wheelhouse of each group. This one's jazzy and bluesy. There was a jazzy group on last year that I hated. I thought it was because of the jazz, but apparently, I just didn't like them because I really like Afro Blue. This is also very gospel-y.

Judges? (who are all standing up...this will be important later)

Ben says he's really happy for them and says, "how good was that?" Christy, in his estimation, "killed it." He said they "just made a record. I'll buy that." He can't stop saying, "that was really good."

Sara says she got really emotional watching it and that she's choked up talking about it. She says they (the judges) may have confused them along the way. I'll say. The judges' criticisms confused me, too. She also can't get over Christy's vocal. She calls it phenomenal.

Shawn is covering his eyes and says it was "absolutely soul-stirring. Y'all took us to church." Again, make note of all these comments. They will be important later.

Quick break. But not really. Nick also attempted to say "aight." It was about as convincing as when I say it. I at least say it knowing that no one will think I'm saying it seriously.

And we're back! And never really left...

Time to waste time with a vignette about the Dartmouth Aires.

Sara gets the honor of wasting more time by telling us why they chose the song they wanted. They get Shout by the Isley Brothers. I didn't realize they sang this song. I never associated them with old timey frats. 

As always, the Aires are entertaining. They're making sure to get camera shots of the poor be-glasses-ed kid who got kicked off the solo in their first song. Everyone feel bad for him. Michael just did the splits and slid up from them with very little help. That was pretty impressive. He also let the judges each sing a "heeeeeeeeeeeeeey," and Ben totally screamed his like an animal. They definitely are the most entertaining group left.

Judges?

Sara is still singing the hey part and dancing horribly while doing it. She tells Michael that he behaves as if he was born on that stage and that everyone showed up to his home on his birthday. She says there were pitch problems, but that she didn't really care because she was singing and clapping along. Note that one comment for later.

Shawn says, "instant party: just add water." He calls Michael a superstar, "boooooooy." He also pointed out some pitch problems. He "pardoned that" because they were so entertaining.

Ben says that this is what he grew up listening to, and that Michael is a classic singer in the same vein of the singers he mentioned (that I won't mention). He also mentioned some "pitch train wrecks." He calls it "a load of fun."

Quick break...but not really.

The judges were shown "conferring." I think they already know who's staying and who isn't.

Let's just get to it...I already saw this part, so I'll just cheat and finish up while time is being wasted. The first group into the finals is Urban Method. Then PenTatonix. So the bottom two are the Dartmouth Aires and Afro Blue. Now, I want you to recall the comments about those groups. The only negative comments were about the Aires. So surely, they're going home, right? Not so fast. There's still a bunch of time left, so each team has been asked to sing their most "impactful" song. Impactful is not a word, but Nick says it anyway.

Afro Blue is singing American Boy. I think that was a bad choice. In the time-wasting vignette (in which we did not learn of how Eliza came to be in the group), Shawn called it his favorite, while Sara said they found themselves with Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. The judges lost their shit over that, so this was a bad choice in my opinion. They were all crying when they did that one.

The Aires are doing Somebody to Love. Which I guess better fits the definition of the non-existent word "impactful." So I guess you can see where this is going.

Sara chooses the Aires for their consistency. Shawn gives Afro Blue his vote. Ben gives the Aires his vote. Sara and Ben based this on "overall performance throughout the season." Then why do they vote people off every week if that's how it's going now? How come a group from the bottom two can move up to the top the next week if this is cumulative?

Anyhoo, I disagree, but I also think Afro Blue picked the wrong song. But seriously, why even have the sing-off between the bottom two if you already decided who had been the most consistent throughout the season. PenTatonix girl and Shawn are crying, along with the heartbroken parents of Afro Blue. That was such a bullshit, time-wasting move. Like, you should have eliminated them last week if it was really all about consistency. Not that I'm bitter! But bullshit! And not cute!!!

Their swan song is We've Only Just Begun. Which always makes me think of Happy Gilmore. Bye, Afro Blue. You got screwed. But you also should have gone with the country song instead of Shawn's favorite. Hollywood knows it, too, because he's a sobbing mess along with the rest of the groups.

So the finals are set: Urban Method, PenTatonix, and The Dartmouth Aires. Who do you think will win? I think there's a possibility that Urban Method and PenTatonix will split the votes. But what do I know?

And because they don't feel like they've wasted enough time, it's time for a highlight reel. Oh, and it's time to give you phone numbers and text numbers to vote. Only ten votes per method allowed. I'm sure there are people out there who have figured out a way around it, though.

Sorry it took so long to get to the "live"blog. I've been trying to help my dog adjust to her new situation, so I've been busy. See y'all on Monday for the finale. Nick promises it will be a night packed with awe-inspiring performances. Or something like that. And the three finalists are singing the "theme song" over the credits.